Mack within

HAHHA...Tariq Nasheed is THE SHIT...seriously I have been listening to this guy's podcasts for a week and a bit. The jokes have been in bundles, the guy can crack jokes. Aside from the odd enlightening post I truly have not gained a large amount of new information. What I have gained though is a different perspective to PUAdom, i.e. Mackin'.

Now I've always known about mackin, but what I did not realise was how similar it is to PUA but Pua is tailored towards the white community and more nerdy individuals. Now I'm not saying that either community does not have their odd share of naturals that require a push or a nerd, what im saying is that each attracts different dudes. It's bless though. I am learning from both camps and in all honesty I have learned ALOT from both.

In these last months post ramadhan I have slowly come back to 'normality' or mainstream behaviour with a totally new perspective. I have at least five different types of paradoxes going in my head.

1. The 'genes don't give a SHIT about your feelings'. I read 'Sperm Wars' which BLEW MY FUCKING MIND. Seriously that book was on some NEXT shit. The fact that a MILF was banging the gardeners as a result of the fact that she had 'bagged' herself a sugar daddy at 16 and inherited his fortune had a deeper meaning. It was INCREDIBLY insightful, however there were alot of critiscism in regards to some of the facts in the book.

2. The 'respect your mother and women' paradox. I am at the end with this shit though. I have completely eradicated the 'respect females' BS that had me brainwashed. If anything, PUAdom taught me to NEVER EVER respect a female EVER who is not your mother or sister. The respect has also got to be earned. I also realised and only recently did I actually face the shit full on; my sister has slowly but surely disrespecting me ever since I began uni. In fact it has reached an all time low.

Firstly, she has all of these fucking stupid female mood swings. She has this BITCH IN the club way of looking at me as if to say that I am below her. I hardly EVER speak to her about anything AT ALL. There is a HUGE level of disrespect going on. My mother is now demanding that I do the dishes. Completely FLIPPING out when I dont answer her. Fucking up my mornings and being an all around BITCH.

This is all down to ONE thing. I do not and have never ever jumped up to the plate of Alpha male of the family. This is due to the fact that my father is still alive and as a result I give him that respect as a man to let him lead the family. This is not MY family although I am a member but it is not a family of my own creation, therefore being in charge at the moment is really dumb especially considering my father is healthy and can still work.

Although my father is increasingly giving me the 'STEP THE FUCK UP' talk in a last ditch effort.
Right now I have digressed back to the old ways of behaving i.e. smoking weed and waking up in the afternoon. This is really something which is slowly poisoning my mind and as a result I honestly feel like a loser. My little brother Fuad is completely lost in terms of direction and as his role model I have FAILED drastically. I have NOT stepped up and therefore my family is in the shitter. I have been lying around like a fucking rug gathering dust. It's enough I have had enough of this poor mentality that I have been exhibiting of late.

I've had a number of realisations and tough pills to swallow which have left me on a path to manhood. I realise that I am the alpha-male of my world if I construct my social circle in that way and at the moment that image is not being portrayed. I realised that alpha male is a mentality and in fact it is all the so-called negative stereotypes of men that have been harshly critiscized since the birth of the feminist movement. All of these men have things in common.
Self-created purposes. I realised more than anything that purpose only exists in action. In other words, you have to actually be active in order to find your purpose in this life.

My standards in life have so far been INCREDIBLY low. In terms of social life, time management, hygiene, career, finances, health. I recently read a facebook wall dialogue between my little brother lee and his friend from norway. The guy was apparently training to be in the import and export business which is pretty ironic considering the lad is south american. Now consider the fact that he is 20 years old right now and he already knows his career path and that I am still figuring out where my path will lead; you start to realise that I am fucking up BIG Time.

I recently had a conversation with one of my friends Andre who informed me about hospital jobs and becoming a health-care assistant. Now, in the moment I was pretty engaged and aggreable beause I just wanted to vibe. However I realised how far my standards had dropped and how incredibly sheep-like I had become. I was now another nigga with no hope. I am telling you I have become another statistic as a result of hanging around the twins. My demeanour has regressed tremendously. Andre is trying to AMOG me subtely which I have caught onto real quick. Now do not get me wrong I am learning alot at the same time in terms of just vibing with other men.

The reason why I am hanging with the twins is that I wish to understand the homie mentality further and basically putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. The king flex show has really opened my eyes up about the black people in america and the blacks over here aswell as the reasons behind the male-female dynamic. He spat some true shit.

I also realised how INCREDIBLY manipulative Andre is and how that shit has rubbed off on me. 48 laws of power in full effect. As the saying goes you are who you hang with. I wish to remove myself from this current set-up. I will definitely continue to hang with the twins but I have to reduce the exposure because they are on this thuggish BS that Im not really feeling.

I need to move out of my mother's house IMMEDIATELY but before I go I want to stop that rewinding mental torture that my mother has put me through for all these years as a result of my actions. Ive been FUCKING up on a massive scale and I did not nip that in the bud. Ultimately I am in a strange situation which I thought Id never find myself in as a 15 year old male. However in retrospect I can see where I failed. Basketball was my main social circle and once that fizzled I struggled.

My social skills where non existent in college. I was awkward as fuck. I started reading the game and upon entering uni I was slightly informed however still massively naive. Two years into uni and knowledge of game and I have gained an incredible amount of realisations about myself.
I have let myself go and complacent. Therefore my life was down the shitter.

Anyways a new chapter has begun as Jesus said ' Once I became a man, I was no longer a child',
Not a fucking child ANYMORE. It took me too long to realise this shit but better late than never.

Health wealth and relationships will all get sorted PRONTO.

Check back in a bit.